Reality Bites: How to Love Life Even When It Won’t Love You Back.
“Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, So what. That's one of my favourite things to say. So what.”
― Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol
“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
In this month’s blog I take a look at acceptance, perhaps the trickiest process to learn in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. [Note: this blog post was adapted from a ChatGPT interaction.]
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), pronounced as the word "act," is a form of psychotherapy that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies mixed in different ways with commitment and behaviour-change strategies. The goal of ACT is to help individuals increase psychological flexibility. One of the central tenets of ACT is the concept of acceptance, a process that can significantly improve mental health and overall well-being.
Understanding Acceptance in ACT
Acceptance in ACT is about making room for unpleasant feelings, sensations, urges, and emotions. It's a willingness to experience thoughts and feelings fully and without defence. Acceptance doesn't mean giving up or resigning oneself to a life of suffering. Instead, it means allowing feelings to come and go without struggling against them.
Tarah Brach in her book “Radical Acceptance” takes this even further arguing that acceptance is the way we can break what she calls “the trance of unworthiness” that keeps us stuck in our lives:
“Clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind and loving heart, is what I call Radical Acceptance. If we are holding back from any part of our experience, if our heart shuts out any part of who we are and what we feel, we are fueling the fears and feelings of separation that sustain the trance of unworthiness. Radical Acceptance directly dismantles the very foundations of this trance.”
A couple of phrases from Buddhist Psychology that I’ve found helpful to get my head around acceptance are Zen Buddhism’s “it all just is” from Dogen’s Shobogenzo and “right now it’s like this” from the Theravadan teacher Ajahn Sumedho. Acceptance provides relief from the struggle we get caught up in when we want things to be different than how they are. As the Buddhist teacher Mary Stancavage puts it, when we get into a fistfight with reality, reality always wins.
The Role of Acceptance in Psychological Flexibility
Psychological flexibility is the ability to stay in contact with the present moment regardless of unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, while choosing one's behaviour based on the situation and personal values. Acceptance is crucial in developing this flexibility. When we fight against our thoughts and feelings, we often become entangled in them, which can lead to a decrease in our ability to live a values-driven life.
The Struggle Switch
Dr. Russ Harris, a prominent ACT practitioner, uses the metaphor of a "struggle switch." When this switch is turned on, we resist and struggle against our internal experiences, leading to increased distress. Acceptance involves turning off the struggle switch and making space for these experiences, which paradoxically can reduce their impact.
Acceptance Techniques in ACT
Several techniques within ACT promote acceptance:
Mindfulness Exercises: These practices help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and feelings without judgment. By observing thoughts and sensations as they arise, individuals learn to experience them without trying to change them.
Defusion Techniques: These strategies aim to change the way individuals relate to their thoughts, rather than trying to change the thoughts themselves. Techniques such as repeating a thought out loud until it loses its meaning can help in seeing thoughts as just words.
Expansion and Acceptance: This involves creating space for unpleasant emotions instead of trying to suppress or avoid them. This can be done through visualization exercises where one imagines making room within oneself for these emotions.
Values Clarification: Identifying what is truly important can help in making committed actions toward those values, even in the presence of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
Common Misconceptions About Acceptance
Acceptance is Passivity: Acceptance is often misunderstood as passivity or resignation. However, in ACT, acceptance is an active process. It's about actively embracing all experiences, both positive and negative, and using this awareness to guide behaviour.
Acceptance Means Liking or Approving: Accepting a situation or feeling does not mean that you like it or approve of it. It's about acknowledging reality as it is, not as we wish it to be.
Acceptance Will Increase Suffering: Many fear that accepting their pain will amplify it. In reality, struggling against pain often exacerbates it. Acceptance allows for a reduction in the secondary suffering caused by this struggle.
Real-World Applications of Acceptance in ACT
ACT has been applied successfully in various settings, including chronic pain management, anxiety, depression, and even workplace stress. Here are a few examples:
Chronic Pain: Individuals with chronic pain often experience increased suffering due to their resistance to pain. ACT helps them accept their pain and focus on living a meaningful life despite it. This can lead to improved physical and emotional functioning.
Anxiety: Acceptance of anxiety can reduce its severity. By learning to experience anxiety without avoidance, individuals can engage more fully in life
The Challenge: Embracing Life Through Acceptance
Acceptance is a powerful tool in ACT that helps individuals live more fulfilling lives. By embracing rather than resisting their internal experiences, people can reduce their suffering and increase their psychological flexibility. Acceptance does not mean resignation or passivity but rather an active engagement with life's experiences. It is about acknowledging reality and committing to actions that align with personal values.
In a world where we often strive for control and certainty, acceptance teaches us to embrace life's inherent uncertainties. Through acceptance, we can find a sense of peace and resilience, allowing us to live more fully and authentically. ACT, with its focus on acceptance, provides a robust framework for navigating the complexities of human experience, leading to a richer, more meaningful life.
If you would feel you would like to expand your capacity to deal with uncertainty and reduce your anxious thoughts and feelings, feel free to contact us at Rhizome Practice to see how we could help.
