Surviving the Holidays with Self-Compassion: Navigating Family, Origins, and Your Chosen Family
In this month’s blog we look at ways of getting what you need from the most “wonderful” time of the year…
The holiday season is a time of celebration, love, and connection—but for many in the LGBTQ+ community, it can also be a time of heightened stress and emotional complexity. Family gatherings may evoke painful memories, difficult conversations, or feelings of alienation. Whether you're spending the holidays with your family of origin, your chosen family, or a combination of both, practicing self-compassion can be your anchor through it all.
Here’s a guide to embracing self-compassion and creating a supportive holiday experience, no matter your circumstances:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment
Holidays can bring a mix of emotions: nostalgia, joy, anxiety, or grief. It’s okay to feel them all. Recognize that whatever you’re experiencing is valid. Self-compassion starts with giving yourself permission to feel without guilt or self-criticism.
Try this: Take a few moments each day to name your emotions and sit with them. Journaling can be a helpful way to process and validate your inner world.
If that all feels too much then there’s always free swear word colouring pages and the anti-Christmas colouring book too.
Practice: Take a Self-Compassion Break with Kristin Neff.
2. Set Boundaries with Intention
If interactions with your family of origin feel challenging, boundaries are your best friend. It’s not selfish to protect your mental health; it’s essential. Be clear about what you’re comfortable discussing or how long you’ll stay and communicate your needs kindly but firmly.
For example: “I’m happy to spend dinner together, but I’d prefer not to discuss my personal life or politics.”
Reminder: It’s okay to leave early, decline an invitation, or spend the holidays elsewhere if that’s what feels healthiest for you.
Practice: Nibble on a Nedra Nugget about boundaries.
3. Lean Into Your Chosen Family
Chosen family—friends, partners, and others who affirm and celebrate you—can be a powerful source of love and belonging during the holidays. Plan gatherings, traditions, or virtual meetups that reflect your authentic self.
Ideas for celebration:
Exchange meaningful gifts or handwritten notes with your chosen family.
Create a cozy movie night or virtual hangout if travel or distance is a barrier.
Practice: Host a holiday gathering bring and share with a theme that resonates with your identity. One of my favourites is the International Pizza Punk Day on 26th December.
4. Practice Daily Acts of Self-Compassion
The holidays can feel overwhelming, so take time to care for yourself in ways that soothe your soul. Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a dear friend.
Small ways to show self-love:
Dedicate time for a grounding ritual, like yoga, meditation, or a long bath.
Indulge in something that brings you joy, whether it’s baking cookies, reading, or crafting.
Practice: Read some Tricia Hersey, take a nap, and/or chant “we will rest:”
5. Create a Personal Holiday Plan
Reflect on what you truly want this holiday season. What will make you feel safe, loved, and whole? Crafting a plan can help you stay intentional and avoid getting swept up in expectations that don’t align with your needs.
Questions to consider:
How do I want to spend my time this season?
Who makes me feel loved and supported, and how can I connect with them?
What traditions or activities bring me genuine joy?
6. Reach Out for Support When You Need It
You’re not alone. Many LGBTQ+ people share similar challenges during the holidays. Connecting with a therapist, support group, or trusted friend can make a world of difference when you’re struggling.
Resources to explore:
LGBTQ+ helplines or community centers.
Online forums or social media groups for LGBTQ+ support.
Apps or hotlines for mental health assistance.
7. Rewrite the Narrative
The holidays can be what you make of them. While family of origin experiences can shape our perspectives, they don’t define us. You have the power to create your own traditions, rituals, and definitions of family. You can also ignore the whole thing too - remember, half the world isn’t doing Xmas.
Reframing idea: If the season feels lonely or difficult, view it as a time to nurture yourself and focus on personal growth. The end of the year can be a moment for reflection and planting seeds for a brighter future.
Final Thoughts
Surviving the holidays as an LGBTQ+ individual often means walking a fine line between honouring your past and embracing the family and traditions you’ve chosen. Through self-compassion, clear boundaries, and intentional connection, you can navigate this season in a way that feels affirming and empowering.
Remember: You are worthy of love, joy, and peace—not just during the holidays, but every single day of the year. Keep going. We need everyone to be here next year and the fighting years ahead of us! ❤️
